2/? ❥ ic ❥ letters jack will never send

[surfacage]

I love you.

I can't write very well; my fingers are still raw, and part of a nail fell off earlier, but I have to remember this. Quickly. Before I fall apart. Because I know I will. Ha! I never thought that

I love you, all right? I always, always

I really wish I could die

Everybody lies, Glen. Lied. Looking Glass said he'd protect me. Mister Rufus said that it would all be better if I let you go, if I tried, just tried, to get along, to protect everyone else. I even made a truce (kind of) with Lacie! But I think that other Jack was kind of right, though.

And then you strangled me. I really wanted to change. I didn't want to die back then because I could - because Looking Glass said that he loved me. I think I loved him, too. I didn't want to lose him. He was my friend. (I think.)

Just think of it! My first friend in twenty-five years.

Was he?

I don't know.

I know you lied, too. Remember when I killed you? You said it was going to be okay. It's not okay it's not okay it's not not not not okay

It's okay if it's you, Glen. I love you. Even if you hate me, even if you don't think of me as Jack, I still love you.

Do you want me to dress up, corset and all, like I did back then? You liked it when I kept my hair loose. I'll wear the cologne you bought me, even if it's a ladies' brand. (She smells like it, I know. She smells very nice. Was that why you kept embracing me that day?) I won't talk when you drag me into your bedroom. It's hard to pretend I'm a girl her when you hear my voice, right?

I'm sorry, I can't sing, see. All I can do is make music. Sorry. Won't you take me back? Please? I promise I'll be good and quiet and I'll give you everything. My life. If I could die at your hands again over and over smiling, I'd be happy.

I think I love you. Still. I love you.

Oh. I think another nail broke off. My bandages are bleeding. I don't think I'll be able to make another watch ever again. Will this

I don't know exactly why I

You know, I think I died the first time I woke up. It's all blurry. I think I wanted to see Looking Glass again (because he loved me) and Mister Rufus (because I like to play games with him) and Vincent (because. because. I miss him.), so I tried to get out. Maybe I died again. I think I'm losing count. I've never wanted to die so much before. Soil smells good. A little.

I don't know if I'll ever get the taste out of my mouth

I'm sorry. I think I'll taste like soil now.

Everything hurts, Glen. I don't know how to make it feel better. Nobody knows how.

I love you, okay? Take care of yourself. Just say the word and I'll be there.